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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Last minute fast buck Yankee promotion, Derek Jeter crown night!

Both the Yankees and Derek Jeter individually are disappointed that more suckers have not bought official Derek Jeter merchandise and they are concerned that the poor performance, both of the team and Jeter specifically, may discourage suckers from attending some of the remaining and increasingly meaningless home games.  So, in addition to the rare opportunity to see Jeter live, but not lively, and in person for what may be the final time the Yankees proudly announce this promotion:

Wednesday Sept. 10 v. Tampa: Derek Jeter crown night; the first 10,000 fans will receive a plastic Derek Jeter crown with assorted plastic jewels and a 12 inch number 2 on the side.

By Jebulon (Own work) via Wikimedia Commons
The crown is a facsimile of the one worn by Jeter around his obscenely over sized Florida mansion where he avoids paying New York tax.  Fans have generously contributed to paying Jeter's $265,159,364 salary over the years.  Now it's time to pony up some more so that Jeter can ride off in style.

Fans are required to purchase and wear the official Derek Jeter number 2 patch, whether they already have one or not.  Fans at the game will see:

- Derek Jeter's corpse at shortstop
- Derek Jeter robbed of hits by opposing shortstops who actually have range
- Derek Jeter overpowered by pitchers two thirds his age.

So come on out and support Derek Jeter.

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